Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Snow Day

Yesterday brought us snow. 
If I could make that sentence any more exciting, I would.
I can't be snowed in for long or I drink too many cups of coffee and then I jump around the house laugh maniacally. So we took the boys sledding at a nearby park.
This is the first time the boys have gotten to go sledding since last year because we basically had spring this winter. A common misconception about Colorado is that we get snow year round, when actually we have about 300 days of sun a year. I'm charging for the next Colorado fact I feel compelled to give.
Jason thinks sledding backward is best so that when you crash into a kid and send them flying you're not held legally liable.
It was actually so bright outside I ended up taking a few pictures of people I didn't know thinking they were my family. 
 I heard Dawson continuously mumble something about foam and when I took the time to investigate I could see that there's a slight chance he could use a new pair of ski gloves.
 Then I caught Evan chomping away at a snowball.
I didn't stop him from this endeavor because he's so addicted to juice boxes I figured he could use the natural hydration.
 I got some action filled shots of Dawson sledding.
And then a selfie.
 And I wanted to document the least favorite part of the sledding experience. The walk back up.
 Evan was quite bossy about sledding. He would point to a specific spot on the hill and tell us he wanted to start there and then we had to turn the round sled (which was the only sled he deemed fit to sled on) until he said "stop" so that it was facing the correction direction when he was ready to sit in it. A round sled.
 Jason had to go chasing after Evan in the other sled to ensure Evan did crash into the fence at the bottom.
 That's the last photo I took of the sledding time because I got bored. And also I was afraid the random people I kept getting pictures of would think I was a stalker.
So we went home and Jason made us homemade hot cocoa which we had to drink with petrified mini marshmallows and then Dawson went up to his recording studio to continue work on his Lego review videos.
The best part of the day though was that it was the release date of Rogue One. So we ended our day watching it.
 Also. I'll confess to asking so many questions during the movie that Dawson got annoyed enough with me to show me that the book he's reading has a table of contents in it that he asked me to memorize. Problems.Solved.
I ♥ snow days.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

The Entertainment Industry

Jason travels a lot for work. This leaves me taxed with the great responsibility of entertaining my children for days on end. You may remember the run in with the law I had during one of these "daddy gets to travel all over the world while mommy is stuck at home" time frames. 
While many of the mom's out there are having scavenger hunts, and crafting junk with their kids, I basically chase mine around the house telling them to make sure they shove the cracker into their mouth in one entire piece because I am NOT going to sweep the living room again! *Side Note: I've learned that I'm one of the few americans who still uses the term "sweep" rather than "vacuum". I'm okay with that.
On a typical day where I've got to master the entertainment of my home, I'll first make sure that all of my sweepstakes entries are completed. This can involve my kids on many occasions, and therefore reduces the amount of time I must be creative. As you can see, I never win said sweepstakes because Evan has never ever used his "I'm a cute cuddly child" grin. He consistently goes for the "I can crush this candy box with my bare hands" look.
 During this particular time frame where I had to scrape together some sort of activity to replace boredom, I decided to make chocolate chip cookies with the boys. Dawson didn't want to join in however and yelled down from the stairs "just let me know when they're done". And that's how I know I'm raising a fine young gentleman. Evan was especially fond of the idea though, and he even posed with the chocolate chips. There is absolutely nothing I can do about the coerced smile. Maybe henceforth I'll draw a smile over the top of his.
When it came time to roll out the dough, Evan thought he was the master of this domain. I'll allow you to see for yourselves if this is true. If you can make it to the end of the video, there's a special surprise.
 Evan ended up with about 10 tiny cookies that didn't even have 1 chocolate chip in them. So I had him put them in a container and run them over to our neighbor that we don't really like. AHA! Just kidding. We are actually friends with all of our neighbors.
 That little project only took us a half an hour. So I had to break out a game I created with the leftover pieces of a SpongeBob Cranium board game we have.
I grabbed all of the plastic cups from the cupboard and set them on the steps leading up to the kitchen.
Then I have Evan grab those flower looking plastic pieces and toss them, trying to land them into the cups. The thought of becoming a fair carny has crossed my mind several times. 
Eventually Evan decided to line all of the cups up on the top row and have me toss the flower things while he kept score on a white board.
 I think he failed to mark down the bazillion I landed in cups So I took the whiteboard and scribbled all over his x's. 
 Finally I went upstairs to check on Dawson because he was absent from the festivities.
It seems that owning an entire bedroom full of Lego sets can be it's own form of entertainment for some individuals. 
 This Lego fanaticism has turned into a whole thing now.  Dawson stayed entertained his entire spring break by creating reviews of his Lego sets. Then he managed to talk me into creating a YouTube channel for him so that the Lego fan masses could enjoy his videos. 
It's helpful to have Legos for babysitters.
Sometimes my creative genius has run out and I'm too tired to cook macaroni and cheese- because we all know that is not a new level of laziness- so I take the boys out for Chinese food.
I've stopped allowing the boys to open the fortune cookies because the last fortune in the cookie that Evan opened said:
"You have reasonable expectations and they will all be met".
I'd like all 3 of those fortune writers to come to my house and spend an entire day meeting Evan's expectations. And don't come crying to me when he's crying because the blue water bottle is in the dishwasher and the dishwasher is currently on or when he throws himself on the ground because he just ate the very last goldfish cracker and there aren't any more or when the star wars bowl already has something in it and he can't use it for his favorite kind of rice. By the way. Those all come in rapid succession. There's a whole day of that kind of expectation to be met. You are welcome to come between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m.
In case that seemed a little dramatic, here's the most recent expectation I couldn't manage to meet:
"Mommy, what does E-L-M-M-L Spell? ...Mommy! That doesn't make sense! What does it spell?!!" I got out of that one by telling him he should play another round of Xbox.
 The only redeeming opportunity of these single mom days are my trips to Starbucks...
Which of course, the espresso allows me the opportunity to be creative for at least another 1/2 hour.

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Birthdays & The Star Wars Costume Exhibit

February is a month full of birthdays. Really. I'm willing to bet someone has a birthday on every single day of the entire month. This is a family oriented blog and I don't endorse gambling. However, my dad used to give me lottery tickets sometimes as my Christmas present, and I'm pretty sure I won $1 once. So. Don't mess with me.
Dawson and Evan celebrate their birthdays one week apart. Let me encourage future parents out there to spread the love (literally) and shoot for a distance of at least 3 months between the birth of your children. Birthdays are expensive. If I were Obama, I'd have added a Birthday Fund insurance stipulation to his crappy ObamaCare. Maybe I would've bought in. 
Dawson sort of had a perpetual birthday celebration. Saturday the 18th was his actual birthday but that weekend was a holiday weekend and all of his buddies had plans. The nerve. So Jason and I surprised him with his gift from us:The Lego Detective Modular Building:
And then we went as a family to see the new Lego Batman Movie
 Jason got us tickets to the Star Wars Costume Exhibit in Denver a few days later.
 We stayed the night in Denver at had to check out of our hotel a few hours before our time slot to see the exhibit. So we had to get clever in order to keep the boys entertained. First on the agenda was this sculpture of a broom and dust pan:
 Let me clue you in on Jason's weird pose:
 Several floors of the museum were open even though we couldn't go the 2nd floor exhibit just yet. So we explored.
This is Jason using his artistic abilities to design a costume for a screenplay:
 Evan gave it a shot too, except he ended up scribbling directly on the screen board because he got tired of the paper. Oops.
  We moved on to another hall where Jason and Dawson pondered art:
There. I said it. Maybe I'll expound on the nonsense of art in a blog post someday. Wouldn't that be exciting? 
What's more exciting you say?
I present to you:The Star Wars Costume Exhibit. 
 We were given a listening device with programmed information about each exhibit.
This is Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber. I could see that he had wiped a booger on it.
 I found the information about his robe most interesting. If my stomach was made of wool, I'd be so skinny.
 On display were Chewbacca's costume cooling system and size 17 yak-fur shoes.
 Speaking of shoes... We all know who started the biggest boot trend of the 21st century:
I counted and nearly 1 out of every 2 females were wearing Han Solo boots at the exhibit. Including me. 
 When I spied Rey from a distance I got excited. Rogue One is pretty much the only Star Wars movie I've been able to somewhat understand. Plus, her style in clothes is 100% me and I would have worn this outfit to the Oscars. Speaking of Oscars. I'm wondering: Has a comedy ever won an Oscar?
I need to know.
 Evan calls Finn "F121N87" Close enough.
 Stormtroopers! I also like their style. My second choice for the Red Carpet.
 Evan was giddy with excitement when we came upon "Baby 8, C-3O and R2-D2". And that's saying something because the entire day was met with Evan whining "This day is so boring! I'm so tired of this day" unending like a song on repeat. 
When I came upon Princess Amidala's dress, I found a museum representative and asked if they give it to me on loan to reenact my senior prom. The dress I had was a hand-me-down from my sister. I was just thinking a Princess Amidala hand-me-down would automatically have scored me a date.
 Darth Vader everybody! I used the force to knock his head off. It was funny.
 The last display was Yoda. My sister B considers herself a "linen maven" and would like to wear Yoda's outfit to the Oscars. As you can see in the photo, Jason and Evan refused to join me for the photo op. If I had known how strange my picture would have turned out, I would have refused too.
I think it's important to note that Evan perfected one of his favorite quotes during this trip:
Dawson's birthday the continuing saga:
He got to have a sleepover with a few of his best buddies. Since I won the Xbox, I thought I was probably the coolest mom ever but Dawson only has 1 game that incorporates 4 players. So they played Minecraft for hours.
 We ordered pizza and then Dawson got his birthday cupcake.
Opening his presents was the highlight of the night. 
 After a round of NyQuil (by me. I'll administer NyQuil to all guests at his 16th birthday party) the boys woke up and I talked them into playing Lego Creationary (who knew Lego had board games?!) You have to roll the dice, draw a card and then construct the design on the card with Legos. 
 Speaking of Legos. Dawson was inspired by all of his gifts to create a Lego City in his room.
And that ends Dawson's foreverlong birthday. Now to Evan's one-stop-shop.
To celebrate Evan's 5th birthday, we had his party at Monkey Bizness. 
This was a brilliant idea because teenagers take care of all your needs and our house didn't get destroyed.
 My neighbor Carol brought her granddaughter Katelyn to the party. But Carol had more fun.
 Party moms.
 We provided snacks and encouraged all the munchkins to have a seat and eat.
 Evan is still loving Star Wars so we ordered a themed cake. Because I'm too lazy to bake.
We sang. This rendition is amazingly more stable than the version from Dawson's party.

Evan was memorialized on the chalkboard. 
 Then it was time to open gifts. I think parents should slip a little gift in the mix for the mom's of the celebrated child. This would boost morale.
 See the huge bin in the background designated for gifts? I hid in there until the festivities were over. I was tired.
And that concludes a super enormously long post dedicated to Dawson's 11th birthday and Evan's 5th birthday. 
Jason turns 40 next month. Can you imagine how long that post will be?