Saturday, March 23, 2013

Love Points for Dummies

The credit for the title of this book post goes to my brother-in-law.
I will keep all royalties from the sale though. No worries.
Depending on how much money I make from the royalties, Tim, I might buy you a lottery ticket.
The idea behind this post all began one blustery day (actually, I have no idea if the day was blustery. What if it wasn't?! Will book sales lower dramatically?) when my sister Anita left the first "happy birthday" comment for my nephew on FaceBook. When I say "first" I mean that she beat me to it.
My sister is on Indiana time, and therefore her day begins 2 hours before my day begins. So technically I was first. You can read all about the importance of being first and last in the bible. Back to the point. My sister left the first happy birthday comment for my nephew. However, my happy birthday comment, which came next in line, was in ALL CAPS.
I know, right?
Before I go any further, I am going to make you privy to how this all went down:
(hint: click on the picture to enlarge it, and therefore, I cannot be held liable for any squinting that ensues)
If many of you are feeling offended at this moment because you think that I think you're a dummy that's too bad. My sister Bobbie has a series of CDs you can listen to about not taking offense. So.
I thought this was a great topic for me to explore for several reasons.
  1. I know how to assign value to love.
  2. I'm a dummy.
  3. Point charts are for people that are OCD and I'm one of those people.
Let's begin by assessing what love actually is, shall we? I'm going to give you my own definition because it's my book. Love is a verb. Yes. I stole that from D.C. Talk because I don't have all day to come up with a better definition. Going by that definition, it makes it easy to assign point values to love prompted actions.
This is how the points system works.

1. The more loving you are, the more points you get.

I need to interrupt for just a moment to ask if anyone can tell me why squid is called calamari when it's fried? Why isn't it called squid? Extra love points are awarded to anyone who can answer this. Even more are given to the first person to answer.

2. If you are the first person to show love to another, you are awarded bonus points.
3.  Points accumulate on a daily basis.
 And there you have it.
I just scored points for writing all of this.
It's time to get started. Go.
Yes. I'll autograph your book.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


Guess who was born on this day, the 13th of March of the year 19XX?
Jason David Wilkins, that's who.
Take a minute to reflect on birthday's past. Don't forget this one too.
He has never stopped sticking his finger in the birthday cake to sample the frosting.
Jason looks like Evan in this picture.
He only recently moved away from sporting a bowl hair cut. Okay, I lied on that one. I'll bet that he really does wish that they still made the rainbow bright outfit like his buddy to his right is wearing. He'd look good while jogging out in the Colorado sun to the Rocky theme song. Well, if he jogged. Jason looks like Dawson in this picture. Awww.  Hey! I see more unopened presents on top of the tv! What were they? I'll bet one was the UnGame! I think I used to have a haircut like the anonymous brown-haired mullet person.
I'm not sure why I'm throwing this picture in here since it's not birthday related. But it's my blog so I can do what I want.  Isn't he a cutie-butt? Still is.
Here he is as a big kid. This was in our apartment when we were first married. Karen, do you remember that couch? This picture is driving me crazy because the wall is cluttery.
Here's a picture Jason took of my eye.
Here's one he took of an olive on a chip.
Here's one he took of an I don't know what it is.

Okay. Back to Jason. I can tell he's tempted by the plastic fruit.
It's okay honey, Dawson pulls his socks up like that sometimes.
Well, this one is from Christmas which is nowhere related to a birthday. But in my defense, there are presents. He's so stinking cute in this picture!
 Happy Birthday Honey. I'm glad you were born.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

A Post

We're snowed in. So I figured I could blog.
I was trying to talk Dawson into letting me watch the infomercial for NutriSystem instead of Saturday morning cartoons. I like to see the before and after pictures of people and be inspired to purchase NutriSystem for myself. Then Jason yells at me and tells me no just like all the times when I'm watching infomercials for workout DVDs. Personally, I think he likes my big butt. I gave in and let Dawson watch what he wanted. But I still want to purchase NutriSystem. I should take a before picture of me right this second. I'm dressed for WalMart though. So. Maybe not. Wait. That will actually make my bikini body "after "picture all the more dramatic won't it?! Especially if I frown for the before picture.
I gave up on NutriSystem and let Dawson and Evan watch tv while I made them lunch.
Grilled Cheese and Tater Tots. Yes. All you other moms that made your children Chicken TarTar and Hors d'oeuvres for lunch are wishing you were more like me right now, aren't ya? P.S. -Don't google Chicken TarTar, I made that up. If it were a real food it would most likely taste like crap.
Evan likes to crawl up the stairs, peek out through the top rail guard on the landing, and gaze into the kitchen, hoping Jason or I will notice him.
If we're not around to notice, he'll break out his Shakespeare persona:
"Juliet! Oh Juliet! I will come and rescue you -after you go on the NutriSystem Diet" Dawson doesn't seem too impressed.
Speaking of Evan, isn't he cute when he's all bundled up after a bath? You will be glad to know I cropped out the close-up of my facial hair.
See. Evan was traumatized by it. I'm not growing a beard or anything.
I just ran out of pictures. What else can I talk about?
Did I ever tell you about the 3 times I was nearly kidnapped. Because that's true. All 3 happened on different occasions when I was out jogging alone. Once when I was a chaperon on a J.V. Camping trip, once when I was house-sitting for my sister Karen, and once when I would go jog on my lunch break when I worked for a school district. But, I never did end up actually getting kidnapped, so maybe those stories aren't that great.

One time, we were at WalMart and I was telling Jason about something I wanted to purchase as I was placing creamer in the shopping cart and the guy with the cart said "I'm sorry" and quickly took his cart and ran. He had on a hoodie that was just like Jason's so I didn't know.

Another time, right after I had Dawson, I had a lady ask me if I was pregnant while I was doing sit-ups at the gym.
I think I better give up on stories now.