Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Lesson in Stupidity


This is the true story of a prank gone awry.

I was unpacking boxes of binders one day in my bosses office. He was out of town on business, but I told him I would take care of this while he was gone. There were 2 large boxes, to be exact, and both were filled with packing peanuts. As the clingy, annoying Styrofoam pieces fell all over the ground, I was struck with a brilliant idea. What if I were to dump all of these packing peanuts in my bosses coat closet, and when he returned the following day, they would all dump out onto the floor and all over him when he opened the door to hang up his coat. Brilliant, I tell you. Brilliant, I say. I had another coworker help me guide the packing peanuts into the closet while I held the box, then I quickly slammed the door shut. Perfect. As I looked around his office though, I saw tiny byproducts of the packing peanuts laying on the ground. I thought to myself, "self, don't leave the evidence lying around! He'll notice something is up the moment he walks in tomorrow morning." So I decided to vacuum. Let me say at this point in the story... in my defense... Even if I hadn't decided to do this lousy stinking prank that I still would have vacuumed his office floor because I would have felt bad for leaving Styrofoam particles all over the place. So I went and grabbed the vacuum. I was nearly finished sweeping when the backward motion of my arm knocked the lamp right off his desk and onto the floor. OH crap! I turned off the sweeper and ran over to the lamp on it's deathbed to assess the damage. There were tiny pieces of the lamp lying on the floor. This was bad. I picked up the lamp and the light and shade hung limp. Let me tell you something. My boss uses this lamp every morning. Right after he hangs up his coat in his closet, he walks over to his desk and turns on this lamp, because he never ever uses the overhead lights. I panicked. I thought through several ideas in order to fix it so that he would never know. I found a lady downstairs who actually had superglue in her purse and she offered it to me. I tried my best to superglue the stupid thing and no matter how long I held the plastic molding in place, each time I let it go, it fell over. So now, I had a broken lamp AND a horrible prank waiting for my boss's return. I decided to be conquered by the broken lamp and give up on that end, but remove all the packing peanuts from his closet. Then my coworker said that I would be an even bigger moron because I would have a broken lamp and no story to go with it. That sealed the deal. Until we realized that the lamp he had on the small round table in his office (where we sit for meetings) was exactly like the one he keeps on his desk! So I switched them out. Breaking the lamp he hardly ever uses was a bit more proper than breaking the one he uses every day. The only problem was, he had the cord ghetto rigged under his desk so that the cord wouldn't hang down, so I had to get the cord back in place just right. Done. I quit for the day, but went home feeling terrible.
The next day, he came in and I was in another part of the building folding mail. So I never got to see his reaction to the packing peanuts falling out, or his reaction when he saw a broken lamp on his table. I walked into his office and he started laughing and asked me what happened. I will say that hardly ANY packing peanuts fell out of the stupid closet! They all clung together in static masses. So.. I explained the entire story and he actually laughed. I grabbed the duct tape I brought from home and he helped me tape it together until I could get a replacement part (which he ended up getting) and then I cleaned up the packing peanut mess. His final statement to me about the whole matter was simply this:
"Joy, there are those who play pranks, and those who are meant to have pranks played on them. You are the latter."

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Shake a Booty and Make a Bed

Dawson yelled excitedly to me the other day, "Mommy! Come see! I made my bed!"
Ahhh. Ummm. Good job?
I wanted to fix it. But I didn't it. I had to leave the presence of the bed so that I wouldn't fix it.
Now, I haven't a clue where Dawson came up with this dance, but he does it quite frequently while staring at himself in the mirror.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

King Kong and a Birthday.

So I never blogged about Dawson's birthday. Just that we were taking him to the place with the scary mouse named Chuck-E (also the name of a movie which would horrify children by the way).
We had quite the adventure at that germ infested place though.
Check out Dawson's skeeball skills:
video
I love how excited he gets about this game. After a while, Jason took Dawson to play games while I ran around the place looking for tickets that kids had left behind. Dawson got one extra tootsieroll because I did that.
There is one new game there (I say "new" like I'm a Chuck-E Cheese connoisseur) that is called King Kong something. I actually don't remember the title of the game. But the all you do is hold the handles while the whole machine vibrates. And when the game is over, your hands itch. Jason thought it would be lovely to video tape me doing this:
video
Of course we took Dawson to Germ E. Cheese on his actual birthday, which was a week night. So we decided to celebrate his birthday and open presents that weekend with family. He fell asleep waiting for everyone to come over and celebrate. Who has ever heard of that? I can't sleep for DAYS before my birthday. That's how excited I am.
I realize the picture is fuzzy. Our camera is broken. We have a set up a "Replace the Broken Camera" fund to which anyone can donate.
Birthday time!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

♥MIA♥

My beautiful sweet precious baby niece, Emelia ("Mia") Noel Davis, has made her debut. Born on March 4th at 7:45 pm. 7 lbs 1 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. You can ask her mommy how long labor was. I'm pretty sure it was like 1.9 million hours of labor. This tiny little thing kept me in suspense all day long! That should be illegal. Someone should get arrested for that. Hello Mia. We've waited at least 9 months and 1.9 million hours for you.




The other day on my way to drop Dawson off at daycare, we were talking about one of his friends who has an older brother. Dawson likes the idea of having an older brother. He said "Mommy, when Mia comes out of aunt Nessa's tummy, will she be my big brother?". Politely I told him no and that she would be his cousin. He had nothing to do with that nonsense and threw a fit the likes of which no parent should ever see. So I conceded and told him that indeed, Mia would be his big brother. I figured I'd let his dad explain that one. I needed to drive.
I wondered how Dawson would do with her when we went to the hospital. He was pretty enthralled. He kept wanting to touch her, but he was very gentle. I asked him if wanted mommy to have one of those someday and he said Yeah. I said "a girl?" No. A boy. But I'm not letting Dawson decide.
I will decide.
Dawson spent about 2 minutes with Mia and then spent the rest of his time touching other things in the hospital room he had no business being around. I'm hoping the hospital staff didn't notice that he took the blood pressure gauge off the hook on the wall and tried to flush it down the toilet. that didn't really happen. But it could have.
I couldn't believe how much Mia kept her eyes open. And her cute little nose..Ahhh. What a sweetie.
We love you Mia!
Be a good big brother okay?
Love,
Aunt

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Variations on a Meme

Last Movie I Saw In A Movie Theater? To Save a Life. Which I saw with our youth group and I ate popcorn. I usually smuggle in candy but since I was with the youth I decided to set a good example.

What Book Are You Reading? I'm currently reading the bible in chronological order in one year. I'm nearly 6 months behind and still confused about the chronology but it's a good read.

Favorite Board Game? Apples to Apples unless I'm playing with Dawson in which case then it's Candyland. He thinks he can skip ahead on the path though and I hate when people cheat.

Favorite Magazine? It's a toss up between Smithsonian and National Geographic.

Favorite Smells? Wood burning, rain, chocolate, and Men's "Happy" by Clinique.

Favorite Sounds? Dawson laughing. Worship music.  I actually like hearing the sweeper at work because white noise makes me happy.

Worst Feeling In The World? Fear. Next to that is when I've made a mistake and I'm going to have to exlain it. Like when I broke my boss's lamp at work. (story coming soon).

First Thing You Think of When You Wake? I don't want to exercise! Then it's " Good morning God".

Favorite Fast Food Place? Taco Bell

Future Child’s Name? For a girl, it's Annalia Joy, for a boy it's maybe Joel or Jakob? Something Jewish sounding.

Finish This Statement —“If I Had a Lot of Money,” I'd pay off debt, give money to my family and go on a cruise. Forever.

Do You Drive Fast? Do police officers read this? No more than 7 over.

Do You Sleep With a Stuffed Animal? No. And I would find it disturbing if I were to answer yes.

Storms—cool or scary? Awesome. Unless I'm driving in one. Then I panic. And pee my pants.

What Was Your First Car? A white Chevy Celebrity which broke down on a major highway at 9:00 at night one week after I got it.

Favorite Drink? Pepsi in a can.

Finish This Statement—“If I Had the Time, I Would…” Cook. And read. And sleep.

Do You Eat the Stems on Broccoli? Raw, No. Steamed, Yes. Quirky-I know.

If You could Dye your Hair Any Other Color, What Would It Be? Caribbean Caramel.

Name All the Different Cities In Which You Have Lived. Wawaka, Mishawaka, Ligonier, Colorado Springs.
Favorite Sport to Watch? Football.

What’s Under Your Bed? Jason's crap.

Would You Like to Be Born As Yourself Again? I certainly don't want to be born as Marilyn Monroe or a serial killer.

Morning Person or Night Owl? Neither. Leave me alone in the morning, and let me go to bed at 9:00 p.m.

Over Easy or Sunny Side Up? Sunny side up.

Favorite Place to Relax? The bathroom. It's the only place I can find privacy if I lock the door. Maybe not. Probably bed.

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor? Chocolate Chip Mint.

And that is it for this Meme. My friend Mindy knows I can't resist these so I copied it and pasted it here from her blog. I'm going tag any person who owns a blog that still reads this one. That really narrows it down.