Friday, June 28, 2013

DAD: A Tribute

I realize Father's Day has come and gone therefore rendering this post to be a tad outdated. In my defense, you were the one that went and had a heart attack that day, resulting in my lack of cognitive skills which I need in order to remember that I even have a blog. I accept your apology and please don't ever have a heart attack again. Thank you. Let's get to that tribute now.
You were born.
Unfortunately, I'm unable to prove this. I considered the traveling cost to Chicago to procure a fake birth certificate for you but I was afraid they would botch your name and you would end up as Richard rather than Robert and you don't look like a Richard. I guess I could go with Bob, but what if it came out as Boob? Saved myself about $400.
That being said? Is there any chance that the kid on the left in this picture is you? It's the only proof I have that you were a child.
And while I'm at it, do you have a name for your friend in this picture? He looks like a George to me. So I'd land on that name if I were getting him a fake birth certificate.
Perhaps you already knew that this picture of you is now famous?
I don't have a picture of you at Prom. So here's the next best thing:
 You with a farmer's tan!

Oh the memories I have. For one thing, you instilled in me a love for traveling. All of the camping trips you took us on when I was little. I still look that cute in a life vest. But seriously. If you never wore a shirt, why didn't your torso ever tan?
Mushroom hunting.
 Billy Goats. Poker Games. Square Dances in the garage. Lots of friends and laughter.
This picture has nothing to do with any of those items I just listed. I just like the shirt you have on.
 I want you to know I'm not bitter that I never owned a horse named Pogo Pete or Snort but my sisters did.
 Nope. Not bitter at all. I quit trying to take the calico cat out for a gallop once I turned 6. She was always pregnant and couldn't go fast enough.
I'm also not bitter that I wasn't born soon enough to make into this family picture.
60's colors would have looked great on me.
I still remember the whistle you used to wake me up every morning before school.
When you walked me down the aisle.
I salt everything just as I learned from you (including grapefruit) and I put pepper on my chicken noodle soup. (Was that learned from you? Otherwise, I probably learned it from Uncle Ray- he was always up to no good.)
Other than the memories ...
You are one of the funniest guys I know.


Anonymous said...

Anita read this to Dad, Joy. Karen said she cried for 15 minutes, too. I just thought you were hilarious, as usual; evidently you come by that honestly! By the way, my password to comment to you is "butdoce'

Stephanie Beaver said...

Wish I could of met your Dad. I bet you were the favorite!