Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Exercise: Motivation and Skill

Do you lack the motivation to exercise? 
Join the club. No, literally. I'm sure there's a club that you can join, you just have to find it. I can't help you there, because I'm too lazy to look.

I actually enjoy exercising. I also enjoy eating but that's a whole other issue that you can see being discussed here

Please consider the following suggestions as motivation to exercise:

  1. The before and after pictures. Of course, you can always photoshop yourself and bypass the exercise. So. Forget number one. We'll go on.
  2. More energy. Years down the road after you've gotten used to exercising. Because when you're not used to exercise, you'll be tired when you're done. Otherwise my advice is to drink 3 cups of espresso in rapid succession for immediate energy boost gratification. You'll crash in an hour and crave junk food. Just fyi. Then you'll need to exercise to work off the junk food.
  3. Skinny jeans. NO. I hate skinny jeans and they do not compliment any body type. Please don't use them for motivation to exercise. And don't wear them. And don't buy them. And don't look at them. 
  4. (insert your motivation to exercise here by leaving a comment because I like comments and I'll do anything to get them.)
I have in my possession exercise DVDs of all variations. Mostly "The Firm" videos. Because I thought they would make me firm. My knee cap has gone from a size 2 1/2 to a size 2. I can nearly wear shorts this summer now. And really, I'm surprised "People Magazine" hasn't contacted me for their "1/2 their size" segment. With my knee cap featured with the wind blowing the hairs on it. 
 And I'll bet you're all wondering how I manage to exercise often and keep my knee caps in such great shape.
I'm about to tell you.

First, I don my perpetually sweaty smelly workout clothes. These are the same clothes I wear to WalMart so I practically feel like I'm exercising while I'm at WalMart, and technically I think I really am because the place is so huge that most mall walkers have quit going to the mall to walk around there instead. I just made that part up about mall walkers but I wouldn't be surprised. 

Next, I deceive myself. I put away all thoughts of my dumpy pathetic body doing the cardio moves and replace that image to pretend I have the body of Allison Davis who led the workout I did today. She's skinny and all, but she has a twang, so I also have to envision that she's using a Midwest accent. If I'm fully engaged in the exercise however, I talk over her in a British accent and smile the entire time.

I wonder how fitness instructors are able to smile and talk through the entire workout.

Finally, I encourage myself. I say:  "Self, just finish this, because as soon as you're finished you can have CHOCOLATE". Chocolate is a good motivator. 

If your biggest concern with exercise is skill, do a butt clench. Right now. There. See! You just exercised! Now you can stop fearing and start butt clenching your way to healthier you.