Dear Meijer

February 10, 2013

 

Meijer, Inc.
2929 Walker Ave., NW
Grand Rapids, MI 49544-9424

 

Dear Meijer,

     Hi. I’m Joy Wilkins                        …                              Okay.

I would like to highly recommend that you add a store location in Colorado Springs, CO. I know several people from the Midwest that have relocated here that love your store (including me) and have mentioned to me that your store is one store they miss having nearby. I could give you names, but I’m not sure if the employee working for you that is reading this letter also works for the CIA and would snoop into their livelihood which would create drama for me and my friends and I don’t like drama. So.

When I’m back home in the Midwest and grace your store with my presence, my first stop is the World Food aisle. I love that aisle. First, I grab Matzo Ball soup. Have you ever had Matzo Ball soup? I know you sell it, but you should eat it. It smells up your house when you make it, I just want to warn you. But don’t let the smell fool you. The taste is a party for your mouth.

Speaking of the World aisle, I’m wondering if you will ever sell husbands. My friend Kelsey would like an Italian man and I think she would do best finding one in the World aisle if you sold them. I can guarantee you she will not look for one in the frozen food section, so please take my humble advice and do what I say.  Feel free to ask me questions.

The very last swimsuit that I actually liked wearing, I purchased from your store. It was a tankini! The shorts are brown, and the top is white with brown and turquoise polka dots. Could you sell tankinis that remove cellulite? If you did, you could sell them in the snack aisle. I’m not sure why though. Just because you could if you wanted to, I guess.

Well. I suppose I should end this composition. If you add a store location in Colorado Springs, CO, I can assure you that you will have business.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments. Otherwise, if you don’t contact me I’ll assume you will begin construction on the store soon. Please put it near my house.

Sincerely,