The Perfect Scam

This Morning I had the great privilege of receiving a scam email. This meant that all the turmoil I was feeling about not having a post for my blog came to a screeching halt.
-Without further adieu-

 

From: Num Xaab Vaaj [censored
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 3:08 AM
Subject: Please be of help!!Num Xaab Vaaj

 

Hope you are in good health.Could you please help me if you can?this has had to come in a hurry and it has left me in a devastating state. I traveled to Manilla Philippine for a Seminar,unfortunately for me all my money was stolen at the hotel where I lodged. The Embassy only cleared me of my traveling documents and ticketing since I came in on official purpose. I only need to clear the hotel bills before I can leave but of course they stopped billing me since the incident. I didn't bring my phones here and the hotel telephone lines were disconnected during the robbery, so I have access to only emails. Please i want you to send me $ 2,000 dollars so I can return home. As soon as I get home I would refund it immediately. Western Union seems to be the safest and quickest option for now. Please email me back so i can forward my information to you.

XF. Num Xaab Vaaj (Pastor Xang Vang)

Censored

__________________________________________________________________________________

From: Wilkins, Joy
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 8:08 AM
To: Num Xaab Vaaj
Subject: RE: Please be of help!!Num Xaab Vaaj

Dear Pastor Xang Vang,

What a horrible and tragic story! Thank you for asking about my health. Several times I have had bronchitis and I have to get a Zpac each time in order to cure it. One time I had tonsillitis AND an ingrown toenail -at the same time! Currently, I'm feeling rather healthy although I fear my sinuses might be acting up. Nothing that a little Constant Comment tea and honey doesn't help.

Before I can commit to helping you in any way, there are a few things I must know. What happened to the $2,000 I sent when this same thing happened to you while you were in England? I'm just curious. I guess you were able to get home. More importantly... what seminar were you attending? Was it good? What did you learn? What hotel are you staying at? I have heard that hotels in Manila have bed bugs, is this true? You should ask for a discount from the hotel.

Let’s discuss the issue of money. $2,000 seems a bit low! Are you absolutely sure that is all you need? I would think you would need at least $5,139.27. Don’t you want to bring home any souvenirs from your trip?  Certainly I can wire the money from a laundered account. Although, I do have a friend in the FBI that poses as a Western Union Worker to catch criminals.He will be able to ensure that you receive your money safely! Perhaps we should go that route instead. I’m ready to receive the information I need. In the meantime, do some sight seeing and enjoy the time you have in Manila.

Joy D. Wilkins
Church Services Assistant

Censored

 

Congenital Ptosis: The Surgery

Our God is so faithful. I'm so glad I have Him to trust and turn to not just on days like today, but every.single.day.

Bright and early this morning at approximately 4:50 a.m. Jason's alarm went off. I actually didn't need the alarm because I had just woken up from the strangest dream ever. About knowing Evan was going to have his eye surgery and there was a great white shark in our bedroom (I think the shark was in our room to keep us from feeding Evan or giving him anything to drink, because I went to bed last night stressed out that we would forget and give him food in the morning) and my mom was in our garage with some ladies from Haiti or Ethiopia or Africa, (I never found out where they were from) and they were doing laundry, and Jason had grown a beard. I know. I didn't want to wake up, it was so awesome.

We had to be at the surgery center for pre-op by 6:30 a.m. I was so grateful to be able to have this procedure done first thing in the morning. I wanted it to be behind us.

Jason was selected to take Evan to get the anesthesia. Jason was back in the waiting room with me in minutes.He said Evan didn't love having the mask forced to his face but he took it like a champ and whimpered just a bit before he was out.

His surgery was scheduled for 7:30, but actually began at about 8:00 and by 8:30 we were called back into the post-op room to comfort our miserable little man. I held him, while Jason fed him snacks, but he cried inbetween bites. Evan did. Not Jason.

By 9:30, we were released to come home.

We took a before picture of Evan this morning, but because Evan was so tired, and the angle was not straight on, the picture really didn't do justice as a good before picture. So I used a picture we took a few weeks ago.

You can see the mark the surgeon put above his eyebrow on his right side so that he knew which side to operate on. Smart man!

His eye is a bit swollen, as expected. However, I do believe that once the swelling goes down, his eyes are going to look the same, for the most part.

When we got home, we fed Evan and then he and daddy cuddled on Dawson's bean bag and watched Baby Einstein: Baby Wordsworth. Jason learned to say "chair" and "ball".

Then Evan napped for about 15 minutes:

Speaking of naps. ...

Whew. I might need a nap. Or some chocolate.

A Visit with Victor

Welcome to Victor, Colorado. 

Not you, just me. I was the one who took the picture so I'm invited. I love this little ghost town. Jason is scared of it. Every time I got out of the car to take pictures, he would yell "hurry up and get back in the jeep, we look like creepers!"  I don't know about you, but I thrive on creeping. Yeah, I don't really. We were recently cautioned by our neighbors that we shouldn't get out of the car if we visit there. I can't remember why though. Maybe we'd get shot by the few people that actually live there. Pshaw. No one has ever seen how fast I can dodge a speeding bullet! Because, I never have. So. I really wanted pictures, so I threw caution to the wind. Why do people say that anyway? You can't throw caution.

First Stop:

Who can pass up a store called Kinnikinnik?! Jason wouldn't let me get out of the car for this one. He took the camera and did an inconspicuous point and click and hoped he got the words in the picture because he knew that was the important part to me. I find it odd that there is a glass lamp shade sitting on a chair outside the store. Here is another important detail. Kinnikinnik was OPEN for business, had we dared to venture in! Someone should name their kid Kinninkinnik. Do it.

Look. Here is a non-creepish shot of the actual little town, full of its dilapidated buildings. I do believe my mom instilled in me a love for old buildings. I'm not sure why I think that. She used to collect old bottles. Maybe I related the two somehow. I do know that when I was growing up, we had a house by ours that we affectionately called "The Haunted House" because it was old and falling apart and I always wanted to go in it. But I didn't want to find a dead body or a ghost.

If you keep going down the road, which Jason felt the need to do to keep me from getting out, you find this:

Who wouldnt' want to drive this home to mama? Here it is when I saturate it in color:

You have to turn around once you drive past the truck because it's a dead end. Sometimes I think my end is dead. At least I would, if it made any sense.

Look at these neat super-old-falling-apart-crappy-paint-job buildings!

My guess is that the windows are all boarded up so that people don't go inside and loot. Because I know there are treasures in there. Like, dust. And pitchforks.

Now I know this building has something exciting inside! Like wooden spoons.

I don't have anything to say about this old mine. It probably has dirt inside.

This is the pretty view surrounding the town of Victor. I can't really say "This is the pretty view surrounding Victor" because it implies Victor is a person and not a town and I don't like the structure of that sentence.

Bobbie, this picture is for you. I'm not sure why I wanted to take a picture of this storefront and show it to you, or why you came to mind when I saw it, because I don't, in any way, think the mannequin looks like you. Or is dressed like you. Maybe I think you'd pose like that for a picture? No, I'm just kidding. But I did think of you and wanted this picture for you to see, so there you go. I'm going to guess that store 108 1/2 wasn't open.

Our last stop on the way out of town was to an old mine. Not the mine in the previous picture a bit ago, but a different mine.

I think Dawson looks a bit like he's afraid the big cables are going to attack him.

He looks happier in this picture. More like he's standing in front of a huge spool of thread.

Here's a picture of the gear box. Every person should own a picture of a gear box in a mine, wouldn't you say?

I don't know what this is. But it seems important in the grand scheme of mining.

This room could use a little TLC.

The boys in front of an elevator.

This was under the elevator. Jason was curious.

So he decided crawl down there and get a picture to see how far down the hole went.

Pictures of the side of a mine are prized possessions this year. Get yours today.

Last picture. Do you see the outline of a Christmas Stocking in Christmas lights?

Love Points for Dummies

The credit for the title of this book post goes to my brother-in-law.

I will keep all royalties from the sale though. No worries.

Depending on how much money I make from the royalties, Tim, I might buy you a lottery ticket.

The idea behind this post all began one blustery day (actually, I have no idea if the day was blustery. What if it wasn't?! Will book sales lower dramatically?) when my sister Anita left the first "happy birthday" comment for my nephew on FaceBook. When I say "first" I mean that she beat me to it.

IN MY DEFENSE,

My sister is on Indiana time, and therefore her day begins 2 hours before my day begins. So technically I was first. You can read all about the importance of being first and last in the bible. Back to the point. My sister left the first happy birthday comment for my nephew. However, my happy birthday comment, which came next in line, was in ALL CAPS.

I know, right?

Before I go any further, I am going to make you privy to how this all went down:

(hint: click on the picture to enlarge it, and therefore, I cannot be held liable for any squinting that ensues)

There.

If many of you are feeling offended at this moment because you think that I think you're a dummy that's too bad. My sister Bobbie has a series of CDs you can listen to about not taking offense. So.

I thought this was a great topic for me to explore for several reasons.

1. I know how to assign value to love.
2. I'm a dummy.
3. Point charts are for people that are OCD and I'm one of those people.

Let's begin by assessing what love actually is, shall we? I'm going to give you my own definition because it's my book. Love is a verb. Yes. I stole that from D.C. Talk because I don't have all day to come up with a better definition. Going by that definition, it makes it easy to assign point values to love prompted actions.

This is how the points system works.

1. The more loving you are, the more points you get.

I need to interrupt for just a moment to ask if anyone can tell me why squid is called calamari when it's fried? Why isn't it called squid? Extra love points are awarded to anyone who can answer this. Even more are given to the first person to answer.

2. If you are the first person to show love to another, you are awarded bonus points.

3.  Points accumulate on a daily basis.

 And there you have it.

I just scored points for writing all of this.

It's time to get started. Go.

Yes. I'll autograph your book.

Jason.David.Wilkins

Guess who was born on this day, the 13th of March of the year 19XX?

Jason David Wilkins, that's who.

Take a minute to reflect on birthday's past. Don't forget this one too.

He has never stopped sticking his finger in the birthday cake to sample the frosting.

Jason looks like Evan in this picture.

He only recently moved away from sporting a bowl hair cut. Okay, I lied on that one. I'll bet that he really does wish that they still made the rainbow bright outfit like his buddy to his right is wearing. He'd look good while jogging out in the Colorado sun to the Rocky theme song. Well, if he jogged. Jason looks like Dawson in this picture. Awww.  Hey! I see more unopened presents on top of the tv! What were they? I'll bet one was the UnGame! I think I used to have a haircut like the anonymous brown-haired mullet person.

I'm not sure why I'm throwing this picture in here since it's not birthday related. But it's my blog so I can do what I want.  Isn't he a cutie-butt? Still is.

 
Here he is as a big kid. This was in our apartment when we were first married. Karen, do you remember that couch? This picture is driving me crazy because the wall is cluttery.

Here's a picture Jason took of my eye.

Here's one he took of an olive on a chip.

Here's one he took of an I don't know what it is.

Okay. Back to Jason. I can tell he's tempted by the plastic fruit.
It's okay honey, Dawson pulls his socks up like that sometimes.

Well, this one is from Christmas which is nowhere related to a birthday. But in my defense, there are presents. He's so stinking cute in this picture!

 Happy Birthday Honey. I'm glad you were born.

A Post

We're snowed in. So I figured I could blog.

I was trying to talk Dawson into letting me watch the infomercial for NutriSystem instead of Saturday morning cartoons. I like to see the before and after pictures of people and be inspired to purchase NutriSystem for myself. Then Jason yells at me and tells me no just like all the times when I'm watching infomercials for workout DVDs. Personally, I think he likes my big butt. I gave in and let Dawson watch what he wanted. But I still want to purchase NutriSystem. I should take a before picture of me right this second. I'm dressed for WalMart though. So. Maybe not. Wait. That will actually make my bikini body "after "picture all the more dramatic won't it?! Especially if I frown for the before picture.

Anyway,

I gave up on NutriSystem and let Dawson and Evan watch tv while I made them lunch.

Grilled Cheese and Tater Tots. Yes. All you other moms that made your children Chicken TarTar and Hors d'oeuvres for lunch are wishing you were more like me right now, aren't ya? P.S. -Don't google Chicken TarTar, I made that up. If it were a real food it would most likely taste like crap.

Evan likes to crawl up the stairs, peek out through the top rail guard on the landing, and gaze into the kitchen, hoping Jason or I will notice him.

If we're not around to notice, he'll break out his Shakespeare persona:

"Juliet! Oh Juliet! I will come and rescue you -after you go on the NutriSystem Diet" Dawson doesn't seem too impressed.

Speaking of Evan, isn't he cute when he's all bundled up after a bath? You will be glad to know I cropped out the close-up of my facial hair.

See. Evan was traumatized by it. I'm not growing a beard or anything.

I just ran out of pictures. What else can I talk about?

Did I ever tell you about the 3 times I was nearly kidnapped. Because that's true. All 3 happened on different occasions when I was out jogging alone. Once when I was a chaperon on a J.V. Camping trip, once when I was house-sitting for my sister Karen, and once when I would go jog on my lunch break when I worked for a school district. But, I never did end up actually getting kidnapped, so maybe those stories aren't that great.

One time, we were at WalMart and I was telling Jason about something I wanted to purchase as I was placing creamer in the shopping cart and the guy with the cart said "I'm sorry" and quickly took his cart and ran. He had on a hoodie that was just like Jason's so I didn't know.

Another time, right after I had Dawson, I had a lady ask me if I was pregnant while I was doing sit-ups at the gym.

I think I better give up on stories now.

The 1st of Many

We survived Evan's first birthday party. I say "survived" because it implies that the planning and implementing of said party was chaotic. And it was. It was snowing. Dawson desperately wanted to blow up a balloon and continued to make me hold the slobbery end of it when he ran out of breath. Jason kept hanging up the birthday banners that endlessly fell down. AND Evan didn't want to keep his super cute hat on. Other than that, the party was one to be remembered, which is why I did my hair.

Here are Jason and Evan waiting patiently for people to come to the party.

Here are Jason and Evan a little less patient as they wait for people to come to the party.

 

Then I wanted my turn to wait patiently with Evan. He's still not so patient so I had Dawson jump in, to even things out.

I decided to move locations to incorporate a little excitement into the big day. But I don't like the angle because my nose looks big. I think Evan thought my nose looked big too.

 

 Dawson thought it was a simple matter to wait patiently with Evan. So I didn't bother telling him that Evan was trying to break out of Dawson jail.

 

The guests finally arrived. This meant Grammy G and Grandpa finally pulled in the driveway. And then I had this great idea that we should attempt the hat again and turn it around. I mean, why start the party?

 

 He even thought it was fun to pull the hat off. Probably because he was the center of attention and that's a gene he inherited honestly. From his Aunt Karen.

We started the party off by opening presents because we didn't want him to get cake frosting all over the carpet. Or the wrapped presents. Why add flavor to the paper he was going to attempt to eat? That just encourages bad habits.  We only got one picture of him opening presents though, I just realized. Jason said he took video instead.

 

Time for cake! I was annoyed because a balloon had fallen off of the back of his high chair which wreaked havoc on my OCD of centeredness (I do not suffer from this plight nearly as much as Jason does). But I did make Jason add the balloon back in order to commence the cake eating.

 

 Evan doesn't seem too impressed with his glowing, scrumptious, edible cake. Which is probably good, because he didn't get to eat that one.

Here's a better picture of said cake.

 

This is the Smash cake (as it's apparently called) that was all Evan's. My sister Bobbie has dibs on his leftovers, because she has been jabbering on about the fact that she wants one for nearly a week. Bobbie, once you see the end result, you might change your mind. You can see where Jason "accidentally" bumped his finger into the blue ring of icing on the right hand side. I need to know something. What is the difference between icing and frosting?

 

Dig in.

 

I don't know about you, but that is not what I call digging. That is what we called dainty. But he figured it out.

 

 I don't think he was thrilled that we were invading his cake privacy.

 

 There we go. Double-Fisting it.

 Time for a family picture with the birthday boy. You know, to stall the icing ingestion.

 

 Back to the ingestion.

 Is it just me, or does it seem that Evan has an exceptionally large mouth for such a tiny body?

Here you go Bobbie. This is what was left. I think Anita is second in line. If you look carefully at the right of the picture, you'll see the other half of the leftovers in Evan's hand.

 

Time to clean up. He didn't even throw a fit that we took the cake away. He didn't learn that from me.

Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Boy! We love you!

P.S. Evan, do you remember being born? Because I remember you being born.