A Little Bit of This

This is Evan.

Sometimes Evan helps me with the laundry. He does so by pulling out everything in the laundry basket and then throwing it in a reckless manner strewing it all across the living room floor. You can all see how this helps me, right? So that I have to go all across the living room floor and pick up the laundry that would have been laying silently in the laundry basket, lonesome with no one to fold it except for me.

Speaking of Evan. Guess who is in a front facing car seat?

What. Did you think I meant him?

That's just nonsense.

"Hey ladies, my mom's feeding me lunch today at noon if you wanna come over."

Sometimes when I picture Eskimo babies in my mind, this is what I think of:

Is that what they look like?  I wonder if Eskimo parents wear green DC shirts.

This is Evan discussing the DOW and how the stocks rise and fall on a daily basis. He uses the toothbrush for emphasis.

Actually, Evan might be the only toddler I've ever heard of that carries around a toothbrush and fights me when I try to take it away from him. And, he always sits with his legs crossed. I think it's cute.

Several weeks ago, that was not a Mother's Day, I liked my hair, so I asked Jason to take a picture of me and Evan because I forced him to wear his Newsies hat.

I like Evan's smile in that picture, however, It seems that my smile is actually saying that I thought my hair looked okay, but really it sort of looks like I have orange highlights when I'm in the sun, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Now I'm happy and Evan thinks his hat makes him look like he has orange highlights.

But this picture below... I like because of the look Evan has while he's looking at me. I think he likes me.

This was how we both felt when the photo shoot was over.

Since I'm talking about myself. I would just like to say that I have lost 52 pounds since Evan was born. I think it all went to my hair. The past few times I've tried doing my hair it has felt heavily sedated and looks ill.

My plan is to lose 55.8 pounds if it's possible. And if I do, it won't.mean.a.single.thing. This is because I suffer the same thing as all normal women in society. Insecurity. And therefore I will always feel fat. However, I read a book by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity" and I have new outlook. I have not changed my outlook regarding women of ANY age donning booty shorts or shirts where their cleavage lights up a room like Aurora Borealis. Nor do I approve of women wearing only a sports bra when they go running. Women, if you are a reading this and you are guilty of any or all of the insecurity crimes mentioned above, perhaps you could come over for a nice cup of coffee and chat about it. Please wear a snowsuit when you come. I don't want to see any of that stuff you like to have hanging out. Maybe someday I'll have a nice little blog post about women and security. I'll think about it. Otherwise, you can plan to read a blog coming soon about Dawson's spring choir concert.

Dandelions.



Have you ever been given a dandelion when you felt like you were worth a palm tree? Or even a daisy, for heaven's sake?

I grew up poor. That being said, you might understand the trauma I faced when I had to go to school in Palmetto's when all of my classmates were wearing Guess jeans. All for a stupid triangle to accentuate my big 6th grade butt, I tell you.  It seems to me that Palmetto's are the dandelions of Guess. Wouldn't you say?

Now that I'm all grown up and could really care less about name brands, spending most days dressed as a vagabond in my house, I have other dandelion issues.

For instance, I have spent hours grieving over the loss of all of Evan's pictures and videos.

However. I have EVAN.

Besides, when I reflect on all the times a certain little 2 year old boy named Dawson learned to pick flowers and give them to mommy, they were nearly always dandelions. Only they were like palm trees when he gave them to me. Okay, so there were a few times that Dawson picked flowers from the neighbors flower bed. But I didn't tell.

Too bad our neighbor didn't have palm trees.

The Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad, Mother's Day

Have you ever had a day that just goes wrong? One thing after another just piles up. And then to top it off, it's a day that's supposed to actually be fun and happy? Like say... Mother's Day?

That was my day yesterday.

It all began with an attempt to get Mother's Day pictures with me and the boys.

Yes, picture at least 5 more pictures of this magnitude of horror.

I mean, of course we wanted to spare ourselves the tragedy of my first Mother's Day with Dawson that have no photos to show for it. I've had words to say about that on not just one but several occasions.

We went to lunch at a place where we were able to sit down immediately! But the food was no good.

So we decided to go for a hike to enjoy the new jogging stroller we bought and work off the lousy food we had just consumed.

Say hi to Evan who doesn't seem to like the new stroller.

The hike was enjoyable enough right up until I was pushing Evan up a steep hill and lost footing on the crumbling dirt. Just as I was yelling out to Jason to reach down and grab him, the stroller crashed on it's side. Of course Evan just sat through the ordeal like I crash him every day. He didn't even make a noise. He just sat there like it was routine. "Oh okay, this is the part where mom wrecks our brand new stroller with me in it and we go crashing sideways. We've done that every day since I was born." After much yelling and use of the word "freakin" we got the stroller up the hill.

We finished the hike and returned home.

This is where I decided to do a blog post as a tribute to my mom.  So I went and got our external hard drive that has every single picture on it that we own. I plugged it into my laptop and was plugging away, when Jason stopped in and asked if I could grab him a pop from the refrigerator and to please hurry because he and Dawson were thirsty. So I quickly turned and ran directly into the cord plugged into the hard drive which plummeted to the ground and BROKE. As in, we cannot get the pictures off the hard drive. As in, we have no videos or pictures of Evan since the day he was born, except for the few pictures (no video) I have posted on FB and on this blog. This means, after much research and many calls to computer disaster businesses -if we want to fork over up to $1,600 to extract those photos from the hard drive, there is a chance they can be recovered. A chance.

I'm all cried out.

Maybe I should end this blog post with a plea to all of our friends and family who might have any photos or video of Evan from the time he was born until recently, to please let us have whatever you have. We would greatly appreciate it.

May all other Mother's Days exceed this one in awe and splendor. Amen.

MOM: A Tribute

Dear Mom,

It's me. The baby of the family. Of course by saying that I'm referring to chronological order. No comments from any of my sisters for that one! I'll get to your tribute in just a minute mom. I think I should use this minute to tattle on Anita, because one time she called me a spoiled brat. She's not too old to spank.

Ahem. Dear Mom,

You were born:

You weren't questioning that were you? Hopefully I just put your mind at ease.

This is beautiful you.

Actually, all of the pictures I'm going to post of you are beautiful you. But let's begin with high school.

I wish you still had those glasses. Do you remember what you were wearing on picture day? Because black is a good color on you.

While we're celebrating high school, let's show off this little gem.

Prom! Prom is a weird word, isn't it. Keep saying it over and over. Prom Prom Prom Prom.

But look! I wore a sleeveless dress to my prom just like you did mom! My picture should should have been in black & white too, though, because I was pasty white. White porcelain. Or glue colored.

Back to you.

 Do you remember the time you "babysat" for the twins?

Good thing I was there to help out by taking pictures.

Speaking of babysitting, who are these two hoodlums with you in the church directory photo?

I'm not sure what the comment had to do with babysitting. At least it provided a transition. Transitions matter in Mom tributes. While we're gazing at the precious picture of you with my sweetheart nieces, let me take a minute to reflect with you on that time of our lives. Thank you for being Jesus to those girls. So young an impressionable, and having gone through such heartbreak (all of us), you remained strong, and kept us all together. The only way you did it was because you were constantly on your knees before our Heavenly Father. What a legacy you will leave us.

Not that I'm saying you are going to die soon! 

Gosh. I have to put a disclaimer on everything I say.

Thank you for the nights you stayed up with me to watch Star Search. Limited Warranty! Thank you for letting me dance in the living room pretending I was Grace Kelly dancing with Fred Astaire. (Thank you Aunt Patti, for letting me borrow your movies).  You didn't even make fun of me. Maybe you did when you snuck to your bedroom. If you did, I'm ending this tribute.

Just kidding.

You brought us together every Christmas by presenting your precious Jesse Tree.

How many families can say they do this?

Bobbie, next year I get to hang the cross!

Family.

Remember the fun times you've had with yours:

I love you Mom.

The Perfect Scam

This Morning I had the great privilege of receiving a scam email. This meant that all the turmoil I was feeling about not having a post for my blog came to a screeching halt.
-Without further adieu-

 

From: Num Xaab Vaaj [censored
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 3:08 AM
Subject: Please be of help!!Num Xaab Vaaj

 

Hope you are in good health.Could you please help me if you can?this has had to come in a hurry and it has left me in a devastating state. I traveled to Manilla Philippine for a Seminar,unfortunately for me all my money was stolen at the hotel where I lodged. The Embassy only cleared me of my traveling documents and ticketing since I came in on official purpose. I only need to clear the hotel bills before I can leave but of course they stopped billing me since the incident. I didn't bring my phones here and the hotel telephone lines were disconnected during the robbery, so I have access to only emails. Please i want you to send me $ 2,000 dollars so I can return home. As soon as I get home I would refund it immediately. Western Union seems to be the safest and quickest option for now. Please email me back so i can forward my information to you.

XF. Num Xaab Vaaj (Pastor Xang Vang)

Censored

__________________________________________________________________________________

From: Wilkins, Joy
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 8:08 AM
To: Num Xaab Vaaj
Subject: RE: Please be of help!!Num Xaab Vaaj

Dear Pastor Xang Vang,

What a horrible and tragic story! Thank you for asking about my health. Several times I have had bronchitis and I have to get a Zpac each time in order to cure it. One time I had tonsillitis AND an ingrown toenail -at the same time! Currently, I'm feeling rather healthy although I fear my sinuses might be acting up. Nothing that a little Constant Comment tea and honey doesn't help.

Before I can commit to helping you in any way, there are a few things I must know. What happened to the $2,000 I sent when this same thing happened to you while you were in England? I'm just curious. I guess you were able to get home. More importantly... what seminar were you attending? Was it good? What did you learn? What hotel are you staying at? I have heard that hotels in Manila have bed bugs, is this true? You should ask for a discount from the hotel.

Let’s discuss the issue of money. $2,000 seems a bit low! Are you absolutely sure that is all you need? I would think you would need at least $5,139.27. Don’t you want to bring home any souvenirs from your trip?  Certainly I can wire the money from a laundered account. Although, I do have a friend in the FBI that poses as a Western Union Worker to catch criminals.He will be able to ensure that you receive your money safely! Perhaps we should go that route instead. I’m ready to receive the information I need. In the meantime, do some sight seeing and enjoy the time you have in Manila.

Joy D. Wilkins
Church Services Assistant

Censored

 

Congenital Ptosis: The Surgery

Our God is so faithful. I'm so glad I have Him to trust and turn to not just on days like today, but every.single.day.

Bright and early this morning at approximately 4:50 a.m. Jason's alarm went off. I actually didn't need the alarm because I had just woken up from the strangest dream ever. About knowing Evan was going to have his eye surgery and there was a great white shark in our bedroom (I think the shark was in our room to keep us from feeding Evan or giving him anything to drink, because I went to bed last night stressed out that we would forget and give him food in the morning) and my mom was in our garage with some ladies from Haiti or Ethiopia or Africa, (I never found out where they were from) and they were doing laundry, and Jason had grown a beard. I know. I didn't want to wake up, it was so awesome.

We had to be at the surgery center for pre-op by 6:30 a.m. I was so grateful to be able to have this procedure done first thing in the morning. I wanted it to be behind us.

Jason was selected to take Evan to get the anesthesia. Jason was back in the waiting room with me in minutes.He said Evan didn't love having the mask forced to his face but he took it like a champ and whimpered just a bit before he was out.

His surgery was scheduled for 7:30, but actually began at about 8:00 and by 8:30 we were called back into the post-op room to comfort our miserable little man. I held him, while Jason fed him snacks, but he cried inbetween bites. Evan did. Not Jason.

By 9:30, we were released to come home.

We took a before picture of Evan this morning, but because Evan was so tired, and the angle was not straight on, the picture really didn't do justice as a good before picture. So I used a picture we took a few weeks ago.

You can see the mark the surgeon put above his eyebrow on his right side so that he knew which side to operate on. Smart man!

His eye is a bit swollen, as expected. However, I do believe that once the swelling goes down, his eyes are going to look the same, for the most part.

When we got home, we fed Evan and then he and daddy cuddled on Dawson's bean bag and watched Baby Einstein: Baby Wordsworth. Jason learned to say "chair" and "ball".

Then Evan napped for about 15 minutes:

Speaking of naps. ...

Whew. I might need a nap. Or some chocolate.

A Visit with Victor

Welcome to Victor, Colorado. 

Not you, just me. I was the one who took the picture so I'm invited. I love this little ghost town. Jason is scared of it. Every time I got out of the car to take pictures, he would yell "hurry up and get back in the jeep, we look like creepers!"  I don't know about you, but I thrive on creeping. Yeah, I don't really. We were recently cautioned by our neighbors that we shouldn't get out of the car if we visit there. I can't remember why though. Maybe we'd get shot by the few people that actually live there. Pshaw. No one has ever seen how fast I can dodge a speeding bullet! Because, I never have. So. I really wanted pictures, so I threw caution to the wind. Why do people say that anyway? You can't throw caution.

First Stop:

Who can pass up a store called Kinnikinnik?! Jason wouldn't let me get out of the car for this one. He took the camera and did an inconspicuous point and click and hoped he got the words in the picture because he knew that was the important part to me. I find it odd that there is a glass lamp shade sitting on a chair outside the store. Here is another important detail. Kinnikinnik was OPEN for business, had we dared to venture in! Someone should name their kid Kinninkinnik. Do it.

Look. Here is a non-creepish shot of the actual little town, full of its dilapidated buildings. I do believe my mom instilled in me a love for old buildings. I'm not sure why I think that. She used to collect old bottles. Maybe I related the two somehow. I do know that when I was growing up, we had a house by ours that we affectionately called "The Haunted House" because it was old and falling apart and I always wanted to go in it. But I didn't want to find a dead body or a ghost.

If you keep going down the road, which Jason felt the need to do to keep me from getting out, you find this:

Who wouldnt' want to drive this home to mama? Here it is when I saturate it in color:

You have to turn around once you drive past the truck because it's a dead end. Sometimes I think my end is dead. At least I would, if it made any sense.

Look at these neat super-old-falling-apart-crappy-paint-job buildings!

My guess is that the windows are all boarded up so that people don't go inside and loot. Because I know there are treasures in there. Like, dust. And pitchforks.

Now I know this building has something exciting inside! Like wooden spoons.

I don't have anything to say about this old mine. It probably has dirt inside.

This is the pretty view surrounding the town of Victor. I can't really say "This is the pretty view surrounding Victor" because it implies Victor is a person and not a town and I don't like the structure of that sentence.

Bobbie, this picture is for you. I'm not sure why I wanted to take a picture of this storefront and show it to you, or why you came to mind when I saw it, because I don't, in any way, think the mannequin looks like you. Or is dressed like you. Maybe I think you'd pose like that for a picture? No, I'm just kidding. But I did think of you and wanted this picture for you to see, so there you go. I'm going to guess that store 108 1/2 wasn't open.

Our last stop on the way out of town was to an old mine. Not the mine in the previous picture a bit ago, but a different mine.

I think Dawson looks a bit like he's afraid the big cables are going to attack him.

He looks happier in this picture. More like he's standing in front of a huge spool of thread.

Here's a picture of the gear box. Every person should own a picture of a gear box in a mine, wouldn't you say?

I don't know what this is. But it seems important in the grand scheme of mining.

This room could use a little TLC.

The boys in front of an elevator.

This was under the elevator. Jason was curious.

So he decided crawl down there and get a picture to see how far down the hole went.

Pictures of the side of a mine are prized possessions this year. Get yours today.

Last picture. Do you see the outline of a Christmas Stocking in Christmas lights?